International Bereaved Mother's Day

"A mother is not defined by the number of children you can see, 

but by the love that she holds in her heart". 

(Franchesca Cox)

On Your Eighth Birthday

"Sitting silently beside a friend who is hurting may be the best gift we can give" (Author Unknown)

Every day since my first child was born, I have walked through life differently. I thought it was only adversity that could change you, but receiving blessings can too. For all those nights, eight years ago, I wondered, Why do bad things happen to my family?, and now I find myself equally sleepless thinking, Why am I so lucky?...There are many friends who cannot have any children, or some others that struggle with secondary infertility. Why am I blessed with all my amazing kids? What did I do to deserve them?

Jensen Dedication

(Daddy and mommy holding Jensen)

Our beloved son Jensen,

You are a miracle and we're so blessed to be your parents.

Mathew 19:26 states: Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Your mommy went through six invitros, hoping and praying for a miracle. In March 2009 your three siblings Alexa, Jayden and Lilia died shortly after they were born. We never gave up and continued to trust in God. We saw His faithfulness as He blessed us with your 3 brothers Jace, Jaden and Jackson.

Jensen has arrived

Finally our little boy is in our arms. Safe and healthy. Most of the things worth doing in the world had been declared impossible before they were done. And now here is our little blessing. All we have to do is to show him, and the miracle speaks by itself .

Like his older brothers, we've chosen a name that has a significant meaning to us. His name meaning is:

Thankful for miracles

Our new miracle: Jensen
3D face scan at 37 weeks gestational age.
(estimated weight 7lb 7oz)

Years have passed, but I still remember the details, it was early morning, it was light traffic, I tried to get to the hospital as fast as I could. Out of the three babies, only two were still alive. We were moved to the labor room ... inside of me praying. "I know God you can make miracles any moment, I know my Alexa and Jayden will survive and a miracle of faith will give you all the glory..."

While we got inside the room with all the machines, big lamps, and a complete medical staff was waiting for us. I was thinking about miracles, I've praying for a miracle for so long, and now they are here. Two of them still alive and kicking inside mommy's belly. But all the situation around me was pointing that these miracles will be lost very soon, no matter what I do, no matter how hard I pray.

Your due date

Seven years ago today was supposed to be your due date and though things did not turn out the way we had hoped, God has been faithful through these past seven years. We have seen beauty come from the ashes and we have seen prayers answered and miracles unfold.

"You are with me where ever I go, 

you give me this feeling this ever glow. 

The light that you gave me will ever glow."

Your mommy

~ ♥ ~

I will always love you

My dear babies in heaven,

Loved you then.

Love you still.

Always have . . .

Always will!

Even before I saw your heartbeat for the first time I've fallen in love with you and I've never let you go. Even when you're in heaven and I'm here on earth. I love you more than before, I just had to let you know. And if you ever wonder why, I don't know what I'll say, but I'll never stop loving you, each and every day.

Love,

Your daddy

Poem: “I am your twin”

“ I'm your twin, you're my twin.
We stick together through thick and thin.
No matter what I do I'm always stuck with you.
But if trouble comes our way,

On Your Seventh Birthday

Hi daddy!

Dear Alexa, Jayden and Lilia,

Seven years have passed since I held you in my arms. Every time the month of March approaches it brings back some of the most painful moments of my life but also some of the most beautiful moments of my life. I can feel your love in my life. I can imagine how life could have been too. This picture is a sketch of how I imagine you would look like now. I can close my eyes and dream of you walking through heaven all together. I remember your mommy in those moments when you were born, I remember the broken hope we both had in our eyes when we knew the end of our babies lives was near.

Incredible News

Married for almost 10 years, never used birth control, spent lots of money going to 3 different fertility clinics, done multiple and diverse medical treatments, including six rounds of invitro, involving uncounted number of injections; finally being gratefully content and overjoyed of successfully having three precious boys.

My wife goes to the urgent care thinking she has the flu, instead finding out she is pregnant ... priceless!

Details of what happened:

Memories

(Visiting their grave few days after their goodbye, 7 years ago)

In the past few days I've been praying for other people that I don't know, the only think I know about them is that they just endured the heartache of losing one of their premature twins, and that the last one is clinging to life.

God gave me you

Seven years ago today was when we found out that we were having triplets during the first ultrasound to see if there was a heartbeat. It was an amazing news to us, and we kept it a secret to surprise all of their grandparents. Little I knew what was going to happen in the following months, and the journey that we have to go through in life.

All Together

(Those we have held in our arms for a little while,
we hold in our hearts forever)

Finally I got the time to do the picture I wanted to do for a long time. I hope it shows how much I love all my children here and above.

Grieving a child loss is a journey that begins the day the children passes, and ends the day the parent joins them. From time to time God has placed other bereaved parents in my path, which have allow me to listen to their story and share mine, and give them hope in the middle of their unexpected storm; because I know how it feels. Some of them have held their pain too deep, for too long, or have been afraid to share it openly, because very few really understand it, many outsiders have never been in our "shoes". Soon you will find that sometimes people cry not because they are weak, but because they've been strong for too long.

What are grandchildren?

What are grandchildren? Extra children? Nope, grandchildren are like the new copies of your own children, they stretch the life of your children to the limits that love delights to reach. Children are the blessing, but grandchildren are the confirmation of the blessing, that's why they are so deeply loved by their grandparents.

Grandkids are the best joy for the aging, they are hope turned into reality. They receive the kisses that the children didn't get the chance to catch. They share the kisses that nobody else can give. When holding a grandchild it is like you are holding your child too. You get to hold the youth that slithers away each passing day. And you get to hold the true love that expects nothing but renders everything.

2015 Children Memorial Service

(This is an excerpt of what I shared during this year's Children Memorial Service. The audience were all the parents or family members of children at the same cemetery where my triplets rest.)

When you're experiencing the most terrible circumstances, and you hear that God is so big, the reality doesn't feel like that at all. The depth of the loss, and grief is so overwhelming that we can't see or sense the greatness of Him. Then all sudden I heard whispers from a song I heard days ago telling me "Earth has no sorrow that Heaven can't heal..."