Giving them a kiss

Last Sunday's visit.

Triplet's Angels

Yesterday we had an emotionally heartfelt experience. In our normal visit to the triplet's grave, usually I do a clean-up, water the flowers, and sit by them for few minutes to let peace from above to sink in.

Jace would typically come, and say "hi bibis", and then go to play with toys scattered around baby-land. Once we are ready to go home, Jess and me would give the triplets a good bye; then I kneel down, and kiss each one of their names.

Discovering how much your child loves you

I'm so happy, living trough the experience I believe many other parents have enjoyed, of discovering the blessing to see how much your child loves you. Those "aha" moments when the affection towards mommy and daddy is revealed. It is a very joyful experience. I'm so much in awe that I decided to post this delightful feeling on my blog.

One of those days ... (Mourning booth video)

Today is one of those days ... that I can feel their presence in a very powerful way.

I know people who haven't lost a baby think that after some time has passed, you just sort of start to "forget" about your baby that has died, because they aren't involved in your every day life anymore.

This is so far from the truth!

Angel Falls

Trip experience to one of the amazing wonders of this world

Top of the  "Kerepakupai merú" or "Kerepakupai Vená" (Angel Falls) water fall

I will share our experience getting there, what you will need, and the best time of the year to plan your visit. This is a trip for adventurous people only, in good health, and ready to take a 3-day jungle like trip. It is not recommended for children or people with special needs. They will not make it. Because this place is in the middle of the eastern part of the Venezuelan Amazon Jungle.

On Your Third Birthday

Ir a la versión en español 

"We know there's a day

You'll kiss our tears away

When we are home to stay"

(Anonymous)

There are looks inside the eyes when silence dims the muted cries; the eyes I see that stay with me, those taken by surprise. There have been people whom said very thoughtful things to us. And they have no idea how much we treasured their kindness, gestures, and thoughts deep inside our hearts.

Mommy sees Lilia Ashlyn

The time was right

For the past three years since Lilia's departure, I was the only one whom kept the only picture that the nurses took of our little precious daughter after she was born. I held her tiny body for few minutes, but I also needed to hold Jayden and comfort him. During those moments Jayden was still alive, and something inside of me as a father screamed that I needed to treasure whatever amount of time, minutes, or hours God would give me to spend with him, before he would go to heaven, with his sisters.

Working on 3rd video

When writing on this blog one of my main goals is to share my emotions and important experiences in life. I think most people like bloggers that write frequently. So, sorry if I am a little bit of a slacker on my postings. But I also don't want to overwhelm people with too much writing. To find a balance might be tricky.

As the day of the third anniversary of my triplet’s departure approaches, I'll be sharing more pictures of them in the third (and probably last) video in their memory. Some of those pictures I have not openly shared before. As I work on it, I always try to make them as beautiful as I sense them in my heart. Few days ago, I came across an article about comments made about the Duggar's family heartbreaking experience on their child loss.

Dear Santa

Christmas is around the corner, yet 

         sometimes I see my mommy and daddy cry. 

Now should be a time of cheer, 

         yet the festivities pass them by

I have wings to fly

You gave me wings to fly. I can now jump out of the box, wander around and explore a new world. I can expand my horizons, expand my soul. Now I can see more, I can see my siblings. And I can see you my mommy and daddy from my new home.

You know me and one day you will know me much more, and this is what is clear to me. With your love and faith upon me, the wings grew in my tiny body. With your affection and encouragement, I learned to take leaps up. With your blessings and prayers, I achieved all that I am. And finally, the vast heavens are waiting for me. Yes, I love the deep blue sky, I love the dark green forest, I love the bouquets of white cloud over the hills, I love flowing gold rivers. I love everything that God has created and saved here.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Month

This short post is intended to increase awareness of the remembrance designation for the month of October; and in honor of all so many babies, including mine...

No Heart Beat

Today we went to the clinic for the first ultrasound. I was very anxious, excited, and scared too. When the nurse starts doing the scanning, we start fearing the worst. Eventually the doctor was called in, and he concluded that they could not detect a heart beat.

Two week waiting test result

After going to the clinic today, we couldn't wait for them to call us back. So, Jess decided to take a home pregnancy test. And a picture speaks a thousand words!

Unexpected and Exciting Call

Embryos #7 and #8

A week ago we finally got the good news that I could start giving the injections to Jess. And the doctors finally set a date for the embryo transfer for Wednesday. So, today when we got an urgent call that we had to go to the clinic as soon as possible. The lab mixed the dates, and they had unthawed the two embryos this morning instead of tomorrow morning. That was the "bad" news, the good news is that both of them survived the unfreezing process!

Wondering when would we be able to try and start the medications

Jace - 1 year old

The future is so full of uncertainty that is what makes faith and trust in God to be truly put to the test.

"Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD." (Psalm 31:24)

A Step of Faith

"Before I formed thee in embryo I knew thee;

and before thou wast born I sanctified thee..." 

Jeremiah 1:5 (Webster's Translation)

Here we go again. We are going to try once again, with lots of prayers and hope to have a second miracle baby. In the upcoming months, taking a step of faith and trusting in God's grace we are going to try for another invitro baby. Out of the 27 successful embryos we got three years ago, now we only have two embryos left in the cryogenic unit. They are waiting for their mommy and daddy to give them a chance to live.