A difficult day

Today was a very difficult day. And Jessica and I felt that we could not write this when the journey began, but now we feel God is asking us to be bold and share what happened. We were having a difficult time telling others, because of how few people had reacted to it in the past. And because we don't want to feel like "poor me". But today, the few handful of people that we started sharing with, have showered us with love, and empathy. So, I realized that there are still people that want to be Jesus hands and feet in other people's lives.

Some legacy blessings

Few days ago a grieving parent, Mary Beth Chapman, shared that we will never have the answers; and that we would never be able to understand everything, but this would not prevent us in helping others. Now that I look back I can see some glimpses of the blessings my heavenly children have allowed me to experience or do in their memory.

Let me share some of them.

Stretching faith

This is a very short post; but with a thought that came to my mind and I want to write it down before I miss its details:

"Sometimes God will give you more that you can handle, 

so that you can learn to rely on Him."

♥

Some of the mean things people told us

Here is a compilation of some of the not-so-good comments we got during our journey of trying to have a child. Some of them were plain rude, others you could potentially argue that they are not too bad, or perhaps the person had good intentions when sharing it, but it came out wrong. Either way here they are. The reason of sharing them is for people to know what not to say. Also, looking back some of them seem very funny, others were upsetting (but we already got over them). Nowadays it is amusing to go back and write about it. Don't worry no names will be mentioned. But here are the comments so other people can avoid making remarks like it, for those that had experienced child loss and/or undergo infertility.

Quote about Baby's Legacy

Amy Kuebelbeck and Deborah L. Davis wrote:

"You can be reassured knowing that other parents have survived this journey, discovered its meaning, and eventually acquired a sense of peace. You too can survive - and emerge transformed. This transformation is part of your baby's legacy." 

Mommy on your second anniversary

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There was one person who made me feel safe, whom always understood me, never doubted me, and always supported me. When I was a baby, a sweet comforting voice that did cuddle me till I fell asleep. This person was my mother. She's the one I miss today; she brought me love and endless praise.

Mommy, when I miss you, sometimes I listen to music or look at pictures of you. Not to remind me of you, but to make me feel as if you are still with me. It makes me forget the distance and time that have passed.

Trusting Him

No matter what, during good times or bad times; one thing always remains true: one of God's traits is His faithfulness. While anything else may let us down, God can always be trusted to be true to His Word. He will never forsake us, He will never abandon us.

2012 Children Memorial Service

Jace holding a butterfly

(This is an outline of some of the thoughts I shared during my speech of this year's memorial service. The audience were all the parents or family members of the children laid to rest in the same cemetery where my triplets are buried.)

Dear parents,

As year passes, When I'm visiting my triplet's grave, I can watch with deep sadness many of you whom are starting this difficult life-time journey after losing a child. And I’m deeply sorry for your loss. Whether you are the parent, grandparent, family or friend to the child, I’m glad to see you here, and let you know that you are not alone. Few days ago, my pastor shared with my church some thoughts about terrible circumstances like this. He said:

Giving them a kiss

Last Sunday's visit.

Triplet's Angels

Yesterday we had an emotionally heartfelt experience. In our normal visit to the triplet's grave, usually I do a clean-up, water the flowers, and sit by them for few minutes to let peace from above to sink in.

Jace would typically come, and say "hi bibis", and then go to play with toys scattered around baby-land. Once we are ready to go home, Jess and me would give the triplets a good bye; then I kneel down, and kiss each one of their names.

Discovering how much your child loves you

I'm so happy, living trough the experience I believe many other parents have enjoyed, of discovering the blessing to see how much your child loves you. Those "aha" moments when the affection towards mommy and daddy is revealed. It is a very joyful experience. I'm so much in awe that I decided to post this delightful feeling on my blog.

One of those days ... (Mourning booth video)

Today is one of those days ... that I can feel their presence in a very powerful way.

I know people who haven't lost a baby think that after some time has passed, you just sort of start to "forget" about your baby that has died, because they aren't involved in your every day life anymore.

This is so far from the truth!

Angel Falls

Trip experience to one of the amazing wonders of this world

Top of the  "Kerepakupai merú" or "Kerepakupai Vená" (Angel Falls) water fall

I will share our experience getting there, what you will need, and the best time of the year to plan your visit. This is a trip for adventurous people only, in good health, and ready to take a 3-day jungle like trip. It is not recommended for children or people with special needs. They will not make it. Because this place is in the middle of the eastern part of the Venezuelan Amazon Jungle.

On Your Third Birthday

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"We know there's a day

You'll kiss our tears away

When we are home to stay"

(Anonymous)

There are looks inside the eyes when silence dims the muted cries; the eyes I see that stay with me, those taken by surprise. There have been people whom said very thoughtful things to us. And they have no idea how much we treasured their kindness, gestures, and thoughts deep inside our hearts.

Mommy sees Lilia Ashlyn

The time was right

For the past three years since Lilia's departure, I was the only one whom kept the only picture that the nurses took of our little precious daughter after she was born. I held her tiny body for few minutes, but I also needed to hold Jayden and comfort him. During those moments Jayden was still alive, and something inside of me as a father screamed that I needed to treasure whatever amount of time, minutes, or hours God would give me to spend with him, before he would go to heaven, with his sisters.

Working on 3rd video

When writing on this blog one of my main goals is to share my emotions and important experiences in life. I think most people like bloggers that write frequently. So, sorry if I am a little bit of a slacker on my postings. But I also don't want to overwhelm people with too much writing. To find a balance might be tricky.

As the day of the third anniversary of my triplet’s departure approaches, I'll be sharing more pictures of them in the third (and probably last) video in their memory. Some of those pictures I have not openly shared before. As I work on it, I always try to make them as beautiful as I sense them in my heart. Few days ago, I came across an article about comments made about the Duggar's family heartbreaking experience on their child loss.