Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Thankful for miracles

Our new miracle: Jensen
3D face scan at 37 weeks gestational age.
(estimated weight 7lb 7oz)
Years have passed, but I still remember the details, it was early morning, it was light traffic, I tried to get to the hospital as fast as I could. Out of the three babies, only two were still alive. We were moved to the labor room ... inside of me praying. "I know God you can make miracles any moment, I know my Alexa and Jayden will survive and a miracle of faith will give you all the glory..."

While we got inside the room with all the machines, big lamps, and a complete medical staff was waiting for us. I was thinking about miracles, I've praying for a miracle for so long, and now they are here. Two of them still alive and kicking inside mommy's belly. But all the situation around me was pointing that these miracles will be lost very soon, no matter what I do, no matter how hard I pray.

Where was my faith? I started criticizing myself very harshly. I have read and study the Bible so many times. Then I daydreamed, starting imaging the headlines news on TV of miracle babies surviving against all the odds. I have never prayed so hard in my entire life. Pleading for a miracle to take place. Ultimately two days later all the lights went off, doctors are nurses were gone. I was left in the room with empty arms. Not a single one survived.

"Where was my miracle baby?"

Then my protector instinct kicked in. I knew my wife was so heart broken, that I have to comfort her. Determined I must to continue on, taking the letters, phone calls, opening the door for flower arrangements, passing the best wishes from people to her. Expressing gratitude for their kind thoughts, prayers and best wishes.

Then I must make the appointments, fill up the paperwork, talk to the doctors, social workers, and make the funeral arrangements. I knew everybody conversation focus was: "How is she doing? How is she copping? Does she cry at night? How can she exist?"

At the same time I had to make sure that I continue working to provide income, managing my commitments and making sure that I carefully can maintain maximum presence to her for any help she will need. To care for her recovery, to love her, to support her, to be her husband.

But late one night, when finally everything was quiet, and she was sleeping. I'm still sitting on the side of the bed, looking at the triplet posters with the pictures and ultrasounds we assembled in their memory, and tears came down my face asking a simple question:

"Does anyone realized or remember that 
they were my two daughters and son that I lost too?"

Time passed, days, weeks, months and years passed. The journey God has taken us has been amazing. To live in this very moment after seven years have passed, now I can see a little bit better and clearer.

My miracle baby was here.

A couple night ago, after I put to bed the twins, I went to Jace room. He was still awake, waiting for me. Then he asked me:

- "Daddy, why I was the only one that survived, and my twin sibling did not survived? It would have been fun to be like Jaden and Jackson too."

- I replied: "Papito, you are an amazing miracle, you not only survived during your journey from your twin now in heaven, but you also were part of the same batch as the triplets now in heaven too, and many other we never got to meet"

He gave me a big hug... Then I whispered to myself: "Thank you God, my miracle baby is here, right now"

I can't wait to have all my boys old enough to understand the amazing journey they have overcome. Not a day passed by that I don't stop wishing my heaven babies would be here with me. But in the meantime, I'm forever thankful for the little miracles that now are running around my house, and the soon to be in my arms, my beloved Jensen.

And you too, reading these lines. I'm sure your miracle is near you. Maybe you didn't realized it. A loved one, a child, a relative, a friend, they all are some miracle baby God has placed near you; to bless your life too.

1 comment:

  1. You are so right, Luis. Miracles ARE right here. Open your eyes people! Thank you for sharing your story with so many. You are a blessing! I can't wait to meet Jensen :-) Anne