Thursday, October 4, 2018

Love with no place to go

Most people know that October is breast cancer awareness month, but did you know in 1988 President Reagan designated October as National Pregnancy and Infant Death awareness month?

This has been a taboo that many bereaved parents like us has to deal from time to time. I feel that it is getting better, but still there are people that haven’t heard about it; or still struggle to understand or have compassion to this kind of pain.

Saturday, September 8, 2018

Faith

Few days ago I went to visit the triplet's grave and a beautiful sign caught my attention. It was on top of a baby stone and it simply read "FAITH". It touched my heart.

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

On Your Ninth Birthday

Unconditional Love. You'll never fully understand it, until you finally have your first child in your arms. On that very moment you'll understand how it feels to love someone more than yourself with a completely unreserved love that expects nothing in return. The same thing applies to understand the depths of incredibly devastating pain. If you've ever lost a child.

For the few that lived through this, you know how it is to be standing at the edge of end of life. At the chasm of death, stretching your arms, trying to rescue, trying to save, trying to change the course of the terrible reality, knowing very well, that it is beyond our control. I know parents that are still frozen in that moment in space, teetering there, perching in that point in time; unable to do anything else from this overwhelming pain, with so many unanswered questions, still trying to make sense of what happened.

Saturday, December 9, 2017

An answer to prayer

Christmas Ball Ornament
from El Salvador.
It was Winter of 2014, when went to an event that benefits an international charity that have sponsored millions of poor children around the world. Those kids stay in the program until they reach the age of 18 and graduate from it. They make sure that the kids have the basics: food, clothing, medical care; but also that they are in a safe environment, attend school, and learn about God. We felt moved to take a step of faith and "pick" a child to sponsor, making the commitment to support the kid and never quit until they graduate. An awesome thing you get to do is to be able to write letters, and the kids might write letters (or drawings) back to you too.

As we were approaching the display table I was praying that God will lead us to choose a kid we can somehow bless. At the table there were only 4 kids left and available to be sponsored right away. My wife took a look and quickly selected one, telling me "in memory of our triplets we should sponsor this little girl". I agreed.

Saturday, September 9, 2017

The Puzzle Piece

(This is an excerpt of what I shared during the 2017 Children Memorial Service. The audience were all the parents or family members of children at the same cemetery where my triplets rest.)

I believe all of you sitting here today have experienced an indescribable pain: the pain of losing a child. It is easy to get discourage or become bitter, and start asking yourself: why this happened to me? Perhaps, I think one main reason is because we can't see the final big picture that God has of our lives.

If you own a puzzle, you know that in the front of the box there is a picture of what it is supposed to look like. It might be a beautiful sunset overlooking the ocean or a beautiful landscape. But if you take only one piece out; and isolate it. You will say "look at this little funny piece, it makes no sense, it's a mistake, it won't fit anywhere, it's an odd shape, awful colors, there is nothing beautiful about it". But the fact is, that piece has a perfect place. It has been already fitted, planned, and very carefully designed. When the other pieces come together, it will fit in perfectly. The reason why we don't see it now, it is because the pieces are not all in place yet.

Monday, May 8, 2017

International Bereaved Mother's Day

"A mother is not defined by the number of children you can see, 
but by the love that she holds in her heart". 
(Franchesca Cox)

A very powerful video created by Carly Marie that she has named: "We Carry Them In Our Hearts" so a link to her work in my blog is now included below. It has touched my heart, and it is so worth to watch. Have tissue nearby, you will need it:

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

On Your Eighth Birthday

"Sitting silently beside a friend who is hurting may be the best gift we can give" (Author Unknown)

Every day since my first child was born, I have walked through life differently. I thought it was only adversity that could change you, but receiving blessings can too. For all those nights, eight years ago, I wondered, Why do bad things happen to my family?, and now I find myself equally sleepless thinking, Why am I so lucky?...There are many friends who cannot have any children, or some others that struggle with secondary infertility. Why am I blessed with all my amazing kids? What did I do to deserve them?

Monday, October 17, 2016

Jensen Dedication

(Daddy and mommy holding Jensen)
Our beloved son Jensen,

You are a miracle and we're so blessed to be your parents.

Mathew 19:26 states: Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.

Your mommy went through six invitros, hoping and praying for a miracle. In March 2009 your three siblings Alexa, Jayden and Lilia died shortly after they were born. We never gave up and continued to trust in God. We saw His faithfulness as He blessed us with your 3 brothers Jace, Jaden and Jackson.

Friday, September 23, 2016

Jensen has arrived

Finally our little boy is in our arms. Safe and healthy. Most of the things worth doing in the world had been declared impossible before they were done. And now here is our little blessing. All we have to do is to show him, and the miracle speaks by itself .

Like his older brothers, we've chosen a name that has a significant meaning to us. His name meaning is:

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Thankful for miracles

Our new miracle: Jensen
3D face scan at 37 weeks gestational age.
(estimated weight 7lb 7oz)
Years have passed, but I still remember the details, it was early morning, it was light traffic, I tried to get to the hospital as fast as I could. Out of the three babies, only two were still alive. We were moved to the labor room ... inside of me praying. "I know God you can make miracles any moment, I know my Alexa and Jayden will survive and a miracle of faith will give you all the glory..."

While we got inside the room with all the machines, big lamps, and a complete medical staff was waiting for us. I was thinking about miracles, I've praying for a miracle for so long, and now they are here. Two of them still alive and kicking inside mommy's belly. But all the situation around me was pointing that these miracles will be lost very soon, no matter what I do, no matter how hard I pray.

Thursday, August 11, 2016

Your due date


Seven years ago today was supposed to be your due date and though things did not turn out the way we had hoped, God has been faithful through these past seven years. We have seen beauty come from the ashes and we have seen prayers answered and miracles unfold.

"You are with me where ever I go, 
you give me this feeling this ever glow. 
The light that you gave me will ever glow."

Your mommy

~ ♥ ~

Monday, August 1, 2016

I will always love you

My dear babies in heaven,

Loved you then.
Love you still.
Always have . . .
Always will!

Even before I saw your heartbeat for the first time I've fallen in love with you and I've never let you go. Even when you're in heaven and I'm here on earth. I love you more than before, I just had to let you know. And if you ever wonder why, I don't know what I'll say, but I'll never stop loving you, each and every day.

Love,
Your daddy

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Poem: “I am your twin”


“ I'm your twin, you're my twin.
We stick together through thick and thin.
No matter what I do I'm always stuck with you.
But if trouble comes our way,

Monday, March 14, 2016

On Your Seventh Birthday

Hi daddy!
Dear Alexa, Jayden and Lilia,

Seven years have passed since I held you in my arms. Every time the month of March approaches it brings back some of the most painful moments of my life but also some of the most beautiful moments of my life. I can feel your love in my life. I can imagine how life could have been too. This picture is a sketch of how I imagine you would look like now. I can close my eyes and dream of you walking through heaven all together. I remember your mommy in those moments when you were born, I remember the broken hope we both had in our eyes when we knew the end of our babies lives was near.

Monday, February 8, 2016

Incredible News

Married for almost 10 years, never used birth control, spent lots of money going to 3 different fertility clinics, done multiple and diverse medical treatments, including six rounds of invitro, involving uncounted number of injections; finally being gratefully content and overjoyed of successfully having three precious boys.

My wife goes to the urgent care thinking she has the flu, instead finding out she is pregnant ... priceless!

Details of what happened: