On your 12th Birthday

(children together walking on the seashore)

What I've learned 12 years after we said goodbye to our triplets? God can make beauty out of the ashes. 

During that time, when it first happened, throughout the days that followed right after our children died, nothing made sense. Hope was shattered. It. Was. Awful. Grief is chaos, so expect it and plan for it. Now, after the dust have settled, I can tell you no matter how difficult might be your situation, when we believed the lie telling us we've run out of all options; that there is still a God, who is all powerful, all knowing, all full of love and mercy; and more important: He never runs out of options. 

Sooner of later you'll realize that will you have a choice to make. I decided I was choosing God.

Do I miss my babies? Yes, without a doubt. But after all these years, I've learned to trust Him, He will comfort your pain, loss, grief, and He will plant a new purpose, a new hope for everything. Even in this life, knowing we'll never get the answer to the "why?", we can still move forward, we can heal, we can see how miracles continue to unfold around us. We just need to get up, look around and keep going. 

This is not our final destination. We don't have to be stuck in "grief-jail" forever. There is "a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance" (Ecclesiastes 3:4). 

When we make our way through grief, we don't leave our loved ones behind. We bring them with us, and all memories and thankfulness about them becomes a happy experience, no longer filled with so much pain and sorrow. We don't have to be thankful for our loss, but rather thankful for the love we experienced, and for the gift of them always being in our hearts. 

This journey has been an emotional rollercoaster, but the key was to hold onto stable things that won't change. Things like God, His Word and the fellowship with other Christians. Do not be shy. Do not hesitate to ask for help. Do not try to avoid been honest with God, He wants the best for you. And He will reveal his gifts for you in his perfect timing.

For those of you feeling guilty, or falling in the trap of the "what-ifs", all your "should haves", must be replaced with "I did my best!", and trust that God will take care of the rest. You will have no regrets.

Grief is no longer a paralyzing emotion, but can become a joyful expectation. Specially when looking forward to the assurance I have: One day I will see my children again. Whenever that day is. 

Happy 12th heavenly birthday my dear babies.

Alexa, Jayden and Lilia, daddy loves you!

~♥♥♥~

P.S. The milestone mark of "12-years later" seem to be a good number to stop (or pause). I think that this might be my last post. Unless God places more in my heart to share in the future. I don't know, but I hope all the posts have been a blessing and an encouragement to any of you. God bless you!