Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Mommy sees Lilia Ashlyn

The time was right

For the past three years since Lilia's departure, I was the only one whom kept the only picture that the nurses took of our little precious daughter after she was born. I held her tiny body for few minutes, but I also needed to hold Jayden and comfort him. During those moments Jayden was still alive, and something inside of me as a father screamed that I needed to treasure whatever amount of time, minutes, or hours God would give me to spend with him, before he would go to heaven, with his sisters.

Lilia had already gone from womb to heaven. We only got to see her moving in the ultrasounds. She was the last triplet to be born, still-born, a couple minutes after Jayden. Only in my mind I will always remember her tiny body that was as beautiful as a cloud, and her face was so precious. I could still see her cheeks, lips, and tiny tongue.

But the nurses never took a complete picture of her; only a picture of her face. In this only picture, it looks like she is giving me this awesome smile. Like telling me: Daddy, look! Now I am in heaven, and I am very happy!

I knew that it would be too hard for Jess to see her, plus the doctors were rushing her to the operating room to save her life. Healing time would pass, and needed to pass. After days, weeks, months and years would go by, I would ask her from time to time if she was ready, and the answer was "no yet". Since Lilia was the only triplet that was not born alive, she didn't know what to expect. And no matter what, I know that for a mother it is very hard to see the child, which never got to grow in our arms.

My pretty Lilia; some days, I feel sad, that I didn't spend enough time with you. I should have held you a little bit longer, and caress your beautiful face. But one day I will be able to hold you in my arms again, and never let you go. I hope you can see how much I love you and I miss you.

Few days ago, your mommy finally got to see your picture for the first time.

And she loved it... Mommy got to see your beauty.

In few days, the whole world will be able to see you too; on your third birthday celebration.

Your daddy.


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