Wednesday, May 23, 2012

One of those days ... (Mourning booth video)

Today is one of those days ... that I can feel their presence in a very powerful way.

I know people who haven't lost a baby think that after some time has passed, you just sort of start to "forget" about your baby that has died, because they aren't involved in your every day life anymore.

This is so far from the truth!

My triplets are as much a part of our every day life as our son Jace. We still parent them, just in a different way from our baby boy blue. You can ask any other parent, whom had endured a devastating loss, and they will tell you the same experience. I think those who haven't lost a child have no idea the impact grief has on your life forever.

Just to give you a glimpse of what I mean, let me share with you some of the recent ways we feel their presence: Jace loves to go my night stand where I kept their little Easter chicks (the pink, blue and yellow). And for some reason, he always has to hold all three of them together, and he plays with them. Also from time to time when I go out, I can see flock of 3 birds flying together too, as another sign of their forever bond, that nothing would separate them, like saying "hi daddy, can you see us?". Some times Jace will make some funny faces that would remind me of them. And now that he is going through his "terrible twos", we wondered how we would have survived with 3 of them throwing tantrums fits at the same time. When I heard my boy say "más" (it means "more" in Spanish), I wondered what words would be their favorite ones in Spanish too. Every night, when I pray with my little son (while putting him to bed), we say "hi" to his siblings too in the middle of our prayer.

I believe one of the strongest challenges a person can experience in this life is the loss of a child. There have been years of struggle, but I have found out that within that struggle miracles do happen; there is a life after death on both sides of the equation. One can survive a significant loss and again find meaning in life, and our lost love ones can help us do that. An important part in healing your grief is expressing your pain and your thoughts to them, although you will never forget them.

"When we keep the names of our children silent they die a second death."
(Mitch Carmody)

I came across the following video and it is worth to be included in my blog. It is a very powerful dramatization of the best way to help someone whom is mourning. Because it is exactly how we felt years ago, few days after losing our triplets. And nobody knew how to interact with us. We felt so lonely.

This should help, we hope.


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