Memories

(Visiting their grave few days after their goodbye, 7 years ago)

In the past few days I've been praying for other people that I don't know, the only think I know about them is that they just endured the heartache of losing one of their premature twins, and that the last one is clinging to life.

In the middle of my prayers, all sudden it took me back to that night when I held my last triplet during his last moments of his life, being held by his daddy. And just hits you like a ton of bricks. Like all at once life has crashed right out in front of your eyes all over again. And then I remember those many days when I would go to their grave and visit their resting place for hours; and touch the ground still fresh. Memories of love and peace beyond all understanding.

I know God has a plan. But sometimes the pain we have endured and the ache to see my babies is too big to prevent tears from flowing again. They will always be my babies. I love them all, I miss them, and in this moment I miss them a lot. It just isn't easy, which we never were promised it would, we were just promised it would be worth it.