Monday, August 18, 2008

The jet-fuel crazy dog


"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."
(John 16:33)

Finally, the date for the fertility doctor appointment arrived. While speaking to the doctor he indicated that we could keep trying the same last treatment from the previous fertility doctor (since we finally got pregnant) or to go straight for IVF. We knew that IVF was expensive, and he asked, "Do you want to have a baby now?" So, we decided to do IVF after listening to his analysis, experience and conclusions.

Then, the doctor told us that we were very "lucky". Because a pharmaceutical company contacted him few days earlier, looking for patients with PCOS, and they will cover half of the costs!. Inside of me, I immediatly knew that it was not "luck" but it was God himself, making the way for his miracle of life to take place. I was so grateful to God for opening the doors for us. Jessica was excited, and her faith started to take off. I love to see her seeking after God more, and to entrust her life in His hands.

This doctor has an awesome clinic; he has his own lab, surgery room, embryologist team, incubators, nurses, advanced ultrasound machines and much more. Even people from other countries were coming to see him (we meet people from England and Canada). The doctor is so busy that he wears scrubs all the time, he performs surgeries himself. He has 3 clinics (2 in our state and another one in Ohio). I felt that God has placed us in good hands.

The doctor indicated that Jessica needed to have an initial surgery, because during the first appointment he discovered that she had a septum uterus (the previous fertility doctor didn't say anything about this). And if it were not fixed, the she would continue to have miscarriages. So, in March she got that surgery done. Going trough all this medical stuff, I have become an expert on giving all kind of injections (subcutaneous, intra-muscular, and even those for cleaning IV-ports).

Finally in July we got the IVF process started. The day of the eggs extraction the doctor was amazed. They got from her 31 eggs!!!. As far as we know it was a record in this clinic. But it came with the cost on Jessica's body of hyper-stimulation; the following days we had to go every day for IV transfusions, and close monitoring of her liquids and water retention. Her ovaries started leaking water-like fluid inside of her. They said that it could be dangerous if the amount of fluids increase and leaks into her lungs, causing her to "drown" and not be able to breath. So, my prayers intensified. And after 3 days of constant monitoring, the situation got under control. Now looking back when I see the pictures of her, she looked pregnant. And some people thought that too.

The next step: "the short wait" was only 2 days ahead. We were going to find out how many eggs actually got fertilized. And more important which one will be good enough for making the parenthood dream to come true. In this clinic, they categorize the embryos in four types: A(excellent), B(good), C(ok), D(not too good). When we got the report out of 31 eggs, 29 did fertilize. Only 2 were D, 3 were C, around 6 were B, and 18 were A!.

Next, the embryologist doctor (a second doctor) allowed them to grow in incubators, and watched them daily for 5 days. On the fifth way (after the extraction) we were on-call and scheduled for the embryo transfer, there were no warranties that the embryos would be viable. Jessica was very nervous. But I assured her to continue trusting in God.

While waiting in one of the rooms. Another couple was informed of their results prior to us. And we over heard that they only got 7 eggs, and none of them did fertilize. The lady was crying and sobbing so much, that Jess and I started to cry for them. Because we know how painful it is, not only financially; but also emotionally, physically, and spiritually. We could understand them in a very deep way. Thrust me: it takes a huge toll on you.

Finally, the team of doctors selected 2 embryos, and the embryo-transfer surgery was simple and quick. After staying there for another half-hour we went home for the next step: A wait for 2 weeks to find out if we were pregnant. Hoping that the embryos would implant inside her womb. Seven days later, Jess started bleeding and we thought that it was bad news. We called the clinic hot-line, and the nurse indicated that actually it was a good sign. It meant that the implantation took place. We only had to wait another week to find out if we were pregnant.

On July 30th, we got the news: We are pregnant. Yaaaay!!! Now we need to go to the next step and wait the "long wait", 3 more weeks to find out if both embryos made it, and see if there is a baby heart beat. On August 18th, the ultrasound revealed that only one made it, but the baby did stop growing and have died.

Jesus said: "I am the door; if anyone enters through Me, he will be saved, and will go in and out and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd; the good shepherd lays down His life for the sheep."
(John 10:9-11)

Jessica was so full of sadness, anger, frustration. That, I can see how Satan was attacking her in a horrible way. I tried to give her comforts, while I was still hurting at the same time, deep inside of my heart. The enemy kept telling her that nothing was worth living for. She stopped eating. I have friends from the church that came over to pray, and to give us company. But there was nothing that could fill that void in our life. The grief to lose the baby was not only the fact that the baby was dead, but to lose all the parenthood dreams.

We started going to a grief share support group. And it was very helpful to share and to see the pain that other people also go through life. I was very angry at God. I had the burning question why? But I knew that Jessica needed me more than anything during this time.

I needed to find something extra that would keep her mind busy. And this is where Kelso gets into the picture. We rescued him from the Animal Shelter. He was staying with a foster family, until we got to meet him. He was a little bit dirty. But I can see that he was happy to be on my lap. After I gave him a good bath Jessica love for him started to grow.

During this difficult time I realize that Satan wanted to takes us as far as possible from God. He wanted our pain and bitterness to get in between the relationship with our Creator. That's when I decide to increase my efforts with the youth ministry and in the choir, to show everyone that I refused to be denied, that I would not stop praying, that I refused to think that God can't do miracles, and I continued to do all those things in a demonstration of gratitude to God, even in the middle of hurt and pain. I knew that every time I praised God, it was like a hard punch on the Devil's face.

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