Monday, April 13, 2009

Overcoming Grief

Triplets footprints
A month ago...

Today, Jessica and I went to visit our babies resting place. We also got the opportunity to select a design for their headstone marker. We experienced that this area of the Cemetery, also known as "Baby Land" looked so beautiful today, with so many colors and decorations, toys, stuffed animals, flowers, pinwheels, etc. When you walk here, you can feel the care, love, pain and sorrow of so many parents that have lost a little one. They are like us, sharing a deep void of losing a child and all the broken dreams that comes with their departure. A month ago Alexa was born yesterday, Jayden and Lilia will be tomorrow.

Now they have spent one month in heaven.

I wonder why there is no word that describes our situation. When we lose our parents, we then become orphans. When a husband dies, then the wife becomes a widow; or widower (in the converse case). But when we lose a child, then there is no adjective that describes this situation.


I am grieving,
Can you see
how I loved you inside me?

I am grieving.
Can you hear
how I want you to be near?

I am grieving
for your touch,
for I love you very much.

I am grieving
Can you tell
when this grieving will be well?

I am grieving.
Can you feel
all I do to keep you real?

I am grieving.
Since you came
life will never be the same.

Grief is a powerful overwhelming emotion. It paralyzes you; it goes very deep inside your soul and spirit in ways that, whoever experiences it, will change them. Some people even stop functioning all together for awhile (or for a lifetime, for some others). I think that the grief intensity could be proportional to how much we loved the ones that are no longer living with us.

When Jesus arrived to the town of Bethany and found that Lazarus has died, his grief was so raw that the Bible tells us "Jesus wept." (John 11:35). But Jesus knew before hand that he was going to resurrect him from the death; still the death of his friend did overwhelm the Son of God that he did grieve too. And the Bible says that then the Jews watched him in the middle of his grief and anguish; and they: "see how much he loved him!" (John 11:36)

To know this about God, gives me some comfort that I can grieve my three babies too, despite that one day I will see them in heaven.

However, I don't want "grief" to become my identity. My true identity is that "I am a child of the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, the Alpha and the Omega, the Creator of the Universe, Jehovah, the Everlasting God, the Lion and the Lamb, the Ancient of Days, The God Most High, the God of My Strength, the God of My Protection, the I AM, the Holy and Righteous One, the Miracle Maker, the Abba Father, the God of Eternity, my Redeemer and Savior"; and by the way, I am struggling with grief.

I also want to share that in the past few weeks, after our babies died, Satan has bombarded me. He knows that I'm vulnerable and that I don't have the answer of why they died? Or why this is happening to me? Sometimes this struggle translates in disappointment at God or anger that God did allow this to happen.

Thus, the devil comes at times and whispers: "you are serving a cruel God!", or "He doesn't care about your pain or dreams" or even tell us "quit worshiping God, and worship me instead; and I will give you a child". But, no matter what happens, I will stand holding unto God, serving Him, honoring Him, and hoping that one day He would tell me "Well done, good and faithful servant! . . . Come and share your master's joy!" (Matthew 25:21)

And I would see my babies on top of that! Thus, Satan has nothing to offer me, he thought that he had won the battle, but I will not give into traps that he sets for me, to move away from God.

Also, I understand that the people around me sometimes don't know what to do, or don't know what to say. In part because they have never experienced a loss like ours, or in few cases they don't think before opening their mouths and saying anything. If they would ask me, I'll simply tell them: "don't leave us alone, just be here by our side, you don't need to say anything, and don't avoid me like I have some sort of leprosy. When this happens it makes us feel alone. And please continue to pray for us, during this difficult time"

When Job was going through his many losses, many people came to him with all sort of wrong advice. Even his wife said to him, "Are you still holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die!" (Job 2:9). Later, three of his friends Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him to try to comfort him. But all they did was to play the blame game, even blaming that it was Job's fault for what happened to him, or that God was punishing him. All this put more despair and hopeless into him. To the point that he said: "I despise my life; I would not live forever. Let me alone; my days have no meaning." (Job 7:16)

I want to get the advice directly from God, instead of human guesswork. And I can testify that He has given us comfort and peace in the past few weeks. Although He doesn't show up himself in person, but trough people caring for us, and many others that have shower us with lots of prayers, hugs and tears.

I've also seen people who want somehow, to keep the love-one alive, and so they hold onto that relationship so tight, that inhibits them to enjoy current or future relationships, including the relationship with God. I will always love my triplets, but they are not my only one relationship in this life.

I don't know the reason why my babies are now in heaven and not here with me. But whatever that reason is, it must be really good. So, I'll continue to press on forward to the unknown future. And once I get there I might understand and learn the reason why God allowed this entire happening.

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