Tuesday, December 29, 2009

A New Year, New Hope

Love Perseveres...

Dear God, This year is coming to its end. And it was a very difficult year for us. Sometimes I still miss my three little miracles. They went all together to heaven as they came into this world. I never got the chance to hear them say daddy, or being nursed by their mommy.

Now our hands are empty, but with hope. Hope that one day I will see them again, and finally get my aching desire to hold them again tightly. Hope that I will see you God, and give you thanks for holding me during these difficult times. And hope that has now come to us with our new baby, growing inside Jessica’s belly!

All the words that I wanted to tell my babies what have been and will always continuously been said by my heart, softly spoken. Alexa, Jayden and Lilia, I hope that as I continue the journey of life, that while you watch me from heaven, that I can make you proud. I know that you are enjoying heaven, but I wonder if you miss me, as much as I miss you.

Dear God, our children are leading us to you too. They will take us to holy places, instead of me showing them places in heaven; I will have the joy of having them as my heavenly tour guide team; if you wish. We had planned to spend this Christmas as a family together. But we can still enjoy it together as a family, every time that we close our eyes and worship you God, our Creator.

Is there a time when I will know how deep and steep a valley I can go?
Is there a time when I will see how strong the strength of my soul is inside me?
Is there a time when you will tell how hurt and hope and weeping make me well?

Dear babies, I often think of you as angels
    Dad, there are infinite ways for believers to imagine.

Do you wear a halo?
    Halo is not something we wear. It is always around us and through us.

Is it bright? Or white?
    All colors at once. Colors not yet seen. The beauty is always unfolding.

How pretty?
    Inside out. More that eyes can see. More than ears can hear.

I want to hold you all.
    We know that. You are the father that God always wanted us to have.

You must know by now that there are many people here that would have loved to meet you too. Both of your grandmas were so excited about you. They miss you; they never got a chance to see you alive.
    It is not easy to know. We know that it was very hard for them too.

They cried.
    They felt a loss. Tears come.

And also there were many other people that were here by our side. Sometimes they will talk too much; sometimes they will not do anything.
    Helping is hard. There was too much to say. Words are not always easy to find.

Some did not understand our silence.
    That is how it is with some.

Some others were just there, with us. Close
    They heard what you could not say out loud.

Do you want what I want?
    We want you, our mother, our father

Then you know how it feels to want you
    We are what you want. And now we exist, and one day we will meet again.

The time went so fast
    We met.

You are not sad?
    We were formed in love. And we can feel the love right now.

The love we had?
    The love we will always have, including our new sibling.

Wow!!! So, now you know about the new baby!
    Yes, and we are so happy. And we have a front seat on everything God is doing.

This is so exciting.
    Yes, God is always an amazing Creator. He makes all things new.

Can you tell me if it is a boy or a girl?
    There is a season for everything under the Sun. And let God give you the surprise.

I love you kids.
    We love you too dad

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
(1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

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