Happy New Year 2011

Dear God,


Luis walking down the road
and pushing the stroller with Jace in it

2010 was a beautiful year, I feel hope, peace, and refuge in your hands, and this is such a wonderful feeling. What comes to my head is that you were there when I needed you the most. During the highest and the lowest times you were there. I felt your presence when the doctors delivered into our arms my beautiful son and I heard his cry for the first time; and you were there when my mother left us, and arrived into your arms.

I still remember from 2009, during the days that came after losing my triplets. That I told myself: “God created me, so He knows about the anger that I was about to unleash for letting my children die hopelessly in my arms”. And I did, I was in grief, deeply hurt and angry for a while. Until I realized that while I was in the middle of my anger, you were holding my children on your lap. And giving them love beyond all imagination, a love so great that no eye has seen, what no ear has heard.

Trip to the Big Apple

Jace meets my grandma Tita for the first time

Jace and Tita

Few days ago, while talking to my sister over the phone I found that Tita was planning to come to visit my cousin Alejandra, who lives in New Jersey. The last time we had some time with her was during my mother's funeral back in Venezuela (almost 2 months ago); and Tita was very happy about Jace's arrival, and the fact that my mother was able to see him at the beginning of his life. But Tita was also sad thinking that she might die before ever getting the chance to meet him.

So, we decided to surprise my grandma by traveling to New York, and be at the airport waiting for her.

Goodbye Mommy

Lilian Judith (1950)

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Forever in my heart

My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word. (Ps 119:28)

On September 23, 1950 on a blessed day, God kissed our world and delivered us a precious baby girl, the first child of Tito and Tita. Her name is Lilian Judith Gonzalez Gonzalez, my beautiful mother. She grew with lots of love and wonderful parents, my grandparents.

Now it has been 8 days after my mother went to heaven, and her love and presence are still within my broken heart. I can feel her comforts, and her happy smile she always share with all of us. She died last Saturday, October 2, 2010. Exactly four months after my son was born.

Our miracle baby boy

Why I believe he is my miracle boy?

After going back and seeing everything that happen; till the point of Jace birth. I am amazed of how many obstacles our little boy had to overcome, to make it here and now be alive in our arms. I wanted to share all those things in this post.

Jace Miguel is born

Jace Miguel

For this child we have prayed
I want to save in this blog entry all the happenings on the day Jace was born. As time passes I could start forgetting some details. But when written it will be there for generations to come, to testify God's love upon us.

On the day before his birth, Tuesday June 1st, 2010; we went to a pre-scheduled appointment to meet the one of the pediatric doctors we were interested in meeting, and to decide which doctor we liked the most. On that day Jessica was like all the previous days, without any contractions. We started thinking how ironic it could be if Jessica would have to be induced, after all those months of bed-rest at the hospital and at home and trying to keep the baby inside the womb. Now the baby could go beyond his estimated birth day on Saturday June 5th. So, we meet the doctor. And found out that they are also part of the same hospital network were we are planning to have Jace to be born. The staff was great.

Everyday holds the possibility of a Miracle

It's a boy!

"Everyday holds the possibility of a Miracle"

The first time I came across this phrase was two weeks after my triplets have gone to heaven. It was printed-engraved, in a picture frame. I bought it and decided placed it on their grave. Where it stayed for the next few weeks. Later on, we took it with us, and now it hangs in the middle of our kitchen and family room, in a high place, easy to see, to remind us that God gives us the gift of miracles every day of our lives. There is no exception, they are given to us during good days and bad days.

Yes, everyday holds the possibility of a miracle. Even those days that seems completely surrounded by darkness, brokenness and the feeling of no hope, no future, and no more miracles left to live. For me, it includes those days that we lost our babies.

Your First Birthday

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes...

My Dearest Babies,

As I write these lines, a year ago you were still living with us. Now I'm getting ready to celebrate your birthday, I wish you were here and not in Heaven. Your first year of life has been full of so many emotions and feelings of all kinds. There were some nights of endless crying; some other nights were I couldn't or didn't want to pray. But many other nights full of joy, contentment and peace. A peace we felt beyond all understanding.

God danced the day you were born. It was too soon for each one of you to be born. We didn't want to lose you. On that day your eyes were still closed and I never got to see the color of your eyes. But now I realize that the moment you opened your eyes for the first time in your life, the first thing you got to see was the face of Jesus.