Dear Santa

Christmas is around the corner, yet 

         sometimes I see my mommy and daddy cry. 

Now should be a time of cheer, 

         yet the festivities pass them by

I have wings to fly

You gave me wings to fly. I can now jump out of the box, wander around and explore a new world. I can expand my horizons, expand my soul. Now I can see more, I can see my siblings. And I can see you my mommy and daddy from my new home.

You know me and one day you will know me much more, and this is what is clear to me. With your love and faith upon me, the wings grew in my tiny body. With your affection and encouragement, I learned to take leaps up. With your blessings and prayers, I achieved all that I am. And finally, the vast heavens are waiting for me. Yes, I love the deep blue sky, I love the dark green forest, I love the bouquets of white cloud over the hills, I love flowing gold rivers. I love everything that God has created and saved here.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Month

This short post is intended to increase awareness of the remembrance designation for the month of October; and in honor of all so many babies, including mine...

No Heart Beat

Today we went to the clinic for the first ultrasound. I was very anxious, excited, and scared too. When the nurse starts doing the scanning, we start fearing the worst. Eventually the doctor was called in, and he concluded that they could not detect a heart beat.

Two week waiting test result

After going to the clinic today, we couldn't wait for them to call us back. So, Jess decided to take a home pregnancy test. And a picture speaks a thousand words!

Unexpected and Exciting Call

Embryos #7 and #8

A week ago we finally got the good news that I could start giving the injections to Jess. And the doctors finally set a date for the embryo transfer for Wednesday. So, today when we got an urgent call that we had to go to the clinic as soon as possible. The lab mixed the dates, and they had unthawed the two embryos this morning instead of tomorrow morning. That was the "bad" news, the good news is that both of them survived the unfreezing process!

Wondering when would we be able to try and start the medications

Jace - 1 year old

The future is so full of uncertainty that is what makes faith and trust in God to be truly put to the test.

"Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD." (Psalm 31:24)

A Step of Faith

"Before I formed thee in embryo I knew thee;

and before thou wast born I sanctified thee..." 

Jeremiah 1:5 (Webster's Translation)

Here we go again. We are going to try once again, with lots of prayers and hope to have a second miracle baby. In the upcoming months, taking a step of faith and trusting in God's grace we are going to try for another invitro baby. Out of the 27 successful embryos we got three years ago, now we only have two embryos left in the cryogenic unit. They are waiting for their mommy and daddy to give them a chance to live.

My second Father's day

Luis reading a book to Jace

"The godly walk with integrity; blessed are their children who follow them" (Proverbs 20:7)

(Note on the verse above: I included this verse not because I am perfect, 'cause I am not. But to remind myself to aim to be the best I should be to be able to bless my child)

Last year I was so much in awe, excited and overwhelmed by the fact that I was holding my child on my arms for the first time (on my first "real" father's day); that I didn't have any chance to write down my feelings, happenings and emotions as a new dad. So, now I finally got the opportunity to write and share them with you, on this father's day celebration.

Few days after my Jace was born, a co-worker told me: "in my culture, now that you have a child and have new responsibilities, you are considered a complete man".

Yes, I can see and feel that in my soul. When I see my whole family, I feel complete.

Jace First Birthday

Holding Jace

My first year as a dad:

This year has been the most rewarding year for me. Those long nights with short sleep didn't bother me. Or having to change his diapers, no matter how bad, hasn't bother me either (although some times I was pretty close to end up throwing up). There has been no task or responsibility as a dad, that I would give up.

To see my little miracle growing, learning his surroundings, laughing, playing with me, being held by his mom, and nurture by all his grandparents, has been the closest I can be to Heaven. I love it so much.

On Your Second Birthday

Ir a la versión en español 

Dearest Babies,

Two years have passed after you my little ones: Alexa, Jayden and Lilia, all went together to Heaven. And I am missing you my precious babies. Our hands are heavy with hope.

Triplet's chicks decorated by
Grandma for 2010 Christmas

When I held you at birth I heard the words "it is finished". Yet your life is not finished. All we planned on earth is finished, but all we have planned will one day come true. Yes, when that day comes and I get to see you again in Heaven, is going to be like the first time I met you; and there will be no more goodbyes.

On that day I will be able to open the flood gates of hope inside of me. And all I have planned for you will become true. I'll get to play with you, and kiss you a lot, and laugh with you more deeply than we can now believe; sing with you a new song. You will get to show me sunsets that have been hidden and much more ...

But until that day comes. I'll continue to treasure in my heart our conversations.