Mommy on your second anniversary

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There was one person who made me feel safe, whom always understood me, never doubted me, and always supported me. When I was a baby, a sweet comforting voice that did cuddle me till I fell asleep. This person was my mother. She's the one I miss today; she brought me love and endless praise.

Mommy, when I miss you, sometimes I listen to music or look at pictures of you. Not to remind me of you, but to make me feel as if you are still with me. It makes me forget the distance and time that have passed.

Trusting Him

No matter what, during good times or bad times; one thing always remains true: one of God's traits is His faithfulness. While anything else may let us down, God can always be trusted to be true to His Word. He will never forsake us, He will never abandon us.

2012 Children Memorial Service

Jace holding a butterfly

(This is an outline of some of the thoughts I shared during my speech of this year's memorial service. The audience were all the parents or family members of the children laid to rest in the same cemetery where my triplets are buried.)

Dear parents,

As year passes, When I'm visiting my triplet's grave, I can watch with deep sadness many of you whom are starting this difficult life-time journey after losing a child. And I’m deeply sorry for your loss. Whether you are the parent, grandparent, family or friend to the child, I’m glad to see you here, and let you know that you are not alone. Few days ago, my pastor shared with my church some thoughts about terrible circumstances like this. He said:

Giving them a kiss

Last Sunday's visit.

Triplet's Angels

Yesterday we had an emotionally heartfelt experience. In our normal visit to the triplet's grave, usually I do a clean-up, water the flowers, and sit by them for few minutes to let peace from above to sink in.

Jace would typically come, and say "hi bibis", and then go to play with toys scattered around baby-land. Once we are ready to go home, Jess and me would give the triplets a good bye; then I kneel down, and kiss each one of their names.

Discovering how much your child loves you

I'm so happy, living trough the experience I believe many other parents have enjoyed, of discovering the blessing to see how much your child loves you. Those "aha" moments when the affection towards mommy and daddy is revealed. It is a very joyful experience. I'm so much in awe that I decided to post this delightful feeling on my blog.

One of those days ... (Mourning booth video)

Today is one of those days ... that I can feel their presence in a very powerful way.

I know people who haven't lost a baby think that after some time has passed, you just sort of start to "forget" about your baby that has died, because they aren't involved in your every day life anymore.

This is so far from the truth!

Angel Falls

Trip experience to one of the amazing wonders of this world

Top of the  "Kerepakupai merú" or "Kerepakupai Vená" (Angel Falls) water fall

I will share our experience getting there, what you will need, and the best time of the year to plan your visit. This is a trip for adventurous people only, in good health, and ready to take a 3-day jungle like trip. It is not recommended for children or people with special needs. They will not make it. Because this place is in the middle of the eastern part of the Venezuelan Amazon Jungle.

On Your Third Birthday

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"We know there's a day

You'll kiss our tears away

When we are home to stay"

(Anonymous)

There are looks inside the eyes when silence dims the muted cries; the eyes I see that stay with me, those taken by surprise. There have been people whom said very thoughtful things to us. And they have no idea how much we treasured their kindness, gestures, and thoughts deep inside our hearts.

Mommy sees Lilia Ashlyn

The time was right

For the past three years since Lilia's departure, I was the only one whom kept the only picture that the nurses took of our little precious daughter after she was born. I held her tiny body for few minutes, but I also needed to hold Jayden and comfort him. During those moments Jayden was still alive, and something inside of me as a father screamed that I needed to treasure whatever amount of time, minutes, or hours God would give me to spend with him, before he would go to heaven, with his sisters.

Working on 3rd video

When writing on this blog one of my main goals is to share my emotions and important experiences in life. I think most people like bloggers that write frequently. So, sorry if I am a little bit of a slacker on my postings. But I also don't want to overwhelm people with too much writing. To find a balance might be tricky.

As the day of the third anniversary of my triplet’s departure approaches, I'll be sharing more pictures of them in the third (and probably last) video in their memory. Some of those pictures I have not openly shared before. As I work on it, I always try to make them as beautiful as I sense them in my heart. Few days ago, I came across an article about comments made about the Duggar's family heartbreaking experience on their child loss.

Dear Santa

Christmas is around the corner, yet 

         sometimes I see my mommy and daddy cry. 

Now should be a time of cheer, 

         yet the festivities pass them by

I have wings to fly

You gave me wings to fly. I can now jump out of the box, wander around and explore a new world. I can expand my horizons, expand my soul. Now I can see more, I can see my siblings. And I can see you my mommy and daddy from my new home.

You know me and one day you will know me much more, and this is what is clear to me. With your love and faith upon me, the wings grew in my tiny body. With your affection and encouragement, I learned to take leaps up. With your blessings and prayers, I achieved all that I am. And finally, the vast heavens are waiting for me. Yes, I love the deep blue sky, I love the dark green forest, I love the bouquets of white cloud over the hills, I love flowing gold rivers. I love everything that God has created and saved here.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Month

This short post is intended to increase awareness of the remembrance designation for the month of October; and in honor of all so many babies, including mine...

No Heart Beat

Today we went to the clinic for the first ultrasound. I was very anxious, excited, and scared too. When the nurse starts doing the scanning, we start fearing the worst. Eventually the doctor was called in, and he concluded that they could not detect a heart beat.

Two week waiting test result

After going to the clinic today, we couldn't wait for them to call us back. So, Jess decided to take a home pregnancy test. And a picture speaks a thousand words!